What No One Tells You About Grieving While Growing Your Family

Life, Loss, and the Unseen Side of Family Building: Why No One Warns You This Will Happen

Take a deep breath with me. Now, imagine this: You’re on your family-building journey—maybe clutching a basal thermometer in one hand, a MakeAMom kit in the other, and hope (or is it anxiety?) in your chest. Suddenly, real life intrudes in the most devastating way.

This week, our hearts were cracked wide open by the story of Othniel Adoma, just eleven years old, whose life was tragically cut short after a minibus crash near Reading (read the full BBC article here). Communities gathered, candles flickered in the dusk, and parents everywhere silently asked themselves: How do we keep going when the unthinkable happens?

The Unspoken Truth: Grief and Family Planning Are Awkward Roommates

No one ever includes a chapter on “grieving while trying to conceive” in the baby books, do they? Society’s expectation: fertility journeys are all about positive vibes, “baby dust,” and pastel Instagram grids. Meanwhile, reality checks in wearing all black and asking if your tissues are nearby.

Honestly, can anyone Insta-filter the experience of loss—whether it’s a community tragedy like Othniel’s, a miscarriage, or the grief that shadows every negative pregnancy test?

But Wait—How Does This Affect Your Journey?

Here’s where it gets twisty: Grief and hope aren’t opposites. They’re more like siblings fighting in the back seat—loud, messy, and impossible to ignore. Maybe you’re grieving a lost pregnancy, or maybe the news of Othniel’s passing dredged up feelings you thought you’d neatly stuffed away. There’s no “right” timeline for your sadness, and no, you don’t have to “move on” before you move forward.

Juggling Loss and New Beginnings—Is It Even Possible?

Let’s be honest, society is terrible at holding space for complex emotions. Here’s what no one tells you:

You can feel joy about an embryo transfer and sadness about a friend’s loss simultaneously.
You are allowed to mourn and dream at the same time.
There’s no emotional referee blowing a whistle if you’re ‘doing it wrong.’

(If you needed to hear that today, consider this your permission slip—signed, sealed, and delivered.)

Real Talk: How to Navigate the Emotional Chaos (Without Losing Your Mind)

Ok, you’re probably thinking, “So, what now? Can grief and hope actually coexist, or am I destined to spiral into a pint of dairy-free ice cream?”

Here’s what’s helped members of our FamilyFoundry community:

Acknowledge your grief—don’t try to out-positive it. Light a candle, journal, or talk to someone who gets it.
Lean on your people. Friends, forums, your group chat crew—don’t go it alone.
Create rituals. Plant a flower, write a letter to your lost loved ones, set aside a day to remember.
Give yourself permission to try again. Hope isn’t disrespectful to what you’ve lost—it’s a tribute.

Our sponsor, MakeAMom’s guides and resources offer not just practical steps for your at-home fertility process, but also nurture the emotional side of the journey. It’s not about selling you “positive vibes”—it’s about equipping you for the real, raw, whiplash-inducing ups and downs. Their support, like their discreet packaging, is there for you even when you feel unseen.

Why We Need to Talk About This—NOW

Tragedies like Othniel’s remind us: family is precious, life is unpredictable, and every journey—fertility or otherwise—winds through joy and sorrow. If you’re feeling the weight of recent events as you try to build your family, you are not alone.

Let’s Make Space for Both

So, where does that leave us? Right here, in this beautifully complicated both/and: grieving and growing, remembering and hoping, crying and laughing at the chaos.

If today is a hard day, know that this community—and resources like those at MakeAMom—are here to catch you. If you need to talk, share your story, or cry a little, our comments are open. How are you navigating loss and hope on your family-building journey?

Drop your thoughts below—and let’s make sure no one travels this path alone.