fertility-delay

How do you move forward when your future hits 'pause'?

I’ll never forget the day the doctor uttered the words, “You have breast cancer.” Like so many others, I’d pictured my thirties as a whirlwind of career moves, spontaneous travels, and—someday soon—starting a family. (Honestly, wasn’t I just supposed to be worrying about student loans and brunch plans?) Suddenly, everything changed. A timeline that once felt so certain shattered in a single conversation.

I recently read this Business Insider article by someone who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 30. She bravely shares how aggressive treatment has forced her to delay having children for five to ten years, and the deep sense of mourning that comes with letting go of the life she always envisioned. Her story hit me right in the gut—and I know I’m not alone. If you’re reading this, maybe you or someone you love has also felt as though life’s “next steps” have been snatched away by something totally out of your control.

The Grief They Don’t Warn You About

Let’s get real: it’s not just about the physical battle. The emotional fallout—unexpected grief, guilt, envy, and that gnawing anxiety about “running out of time”—can be just as overwhelming as any chemo or surgery.

• Will I ever be healthy enough to be a parent?
• Am I selfish for still wanting that?
• What if my journey to parenthood looks nothing like I planned?

These questions don’t always have answers, and the silence around them can be deafening.

Why Does No One Talk About This?

There’s something almost taboo about “mourning” a life you never had. The woman in the BI article perfectly articulates this weird, lonely sadness—the kind that bubbles up every time a friend announces a pregnancy or strangers at the grocery store ask when you’ll “start your family.”

But here’s the truth: grief is a natural response to lost dreams, even if those dreams are just delayed. There’s no expiration date on hope, but there’s definitely a rough draft of it that cancer, chronic illness, or any curveball can tear up.

The Waiting Isn’t Wasted—But It’s HARD

So what do you do when waiting is your only option? Sometimes, waiting is all-consuming. But it can also be powerful. I’ve found that the “in-between” spaces—those years of not-knowing—have forced me to:

• Rethink what it means to be “ready” for parenthood.
• Build resilience I never knew I had.
• Lean on my partner and community in wild, vulnerable new ways.

If you’re in the waiting room—figurative or literal—please know you’re not alone. The struggle is real, and your feelings are valid. Holding space for both hope and heartbreak is messy…but it’s also courageous.

Building a New Toolkit for the Future

Here’s where something amazing is quietly happening: the world of fertility has changed so much in the last few years. That’s not just buzzwords or influencer hype. It’s real progress, with more options for folks like us who need to be flexible, patient, and self-advocating.

When the time feels right for me (and trust me, I sometimes wish I could fast-forward), I know I won’t be starting from scratch. There’s a wave of innovation in at-home conception that’s making fertility more accessible and less terrifying—especially if clinical settings are financially or emotionally off-limits right now.

For those considering home insemination down the road, I’ve been quietly researching resources for when my “wait” is up. Companies like MakeAMom’s at-home insemination kits are a game-changer. They offer tailored kits for various needs—like low-motility sperm, frozen sperm, or sensitivities like vaginismus—so you can start your family-building journey on your own terms, in your own time. (Plus, their reusable kits and discreet shipping are a relief for anyone craving privacy and control after so much has not been in your hands.)

What Gets Us Through: Community & Self-Kindness

The author of that Business Insider piece reminds us how universal this struggle is, even though it feels deeply personal. So let’s break the silence, together. Talk to a friend, join a support group, share your story on forums, or just scream-cry into your pillow—we all process differently, but we all deserve space to do it.

And if you’re someone who’s jumped straight from treatment into “trying”—or if you’re still in the thick of uncertainty—please give yourself a break. You’re navigating a path no one dreams of, and every milestone (or setback) is valid.

You Don’t Have to Go It Alone

Cancer doesn’t get to rewrite all your dreams. It might scribble all over the margins, but the story is still yours to tell. The tools, the technology, and—most importantly—the community are here for you when you’re ready.

Have you had to press pause on your family plans? What helped you get through the wait? Drop your story or tips in the comments—let’s support each other, one honest conversation at a time.